Stupid Things To Do While You're Uninsured

In the wee hours of yesterday morning, I kept hearing a low beeping noise, which I initially thought was coming from outside and later thought it was my carbon monoxide detector. If the detector gets knocked out of the outlet (or subsequently, back in), it makes this distinctive beeping noise. I figured we were having problems with our power or outlet, or that the cats were being jerks and knocking it out continuously. I was sleepy and I didn't really feel like figuring it out. I was going to the gym before work, so I essentially got dressed and left within ten minutes of waking up. When I got into the hall....

"Beep"

Just outside my door, on the ceiling way out of my reach, is an assy little smoke detector, sassing at me that its battery is dying.

"I'm not the maintenance person," I say.

"Don't fucking care," it responds

"I'll call them and let them know what's going on, but I have to go to work now and I don't have a ladder to reach you."

"Whatever, bitch."

So I call from the gym and get the maintenance person's machine. I leave a message about the smoke detector and wait their call back. To be fair, they usually call back very quickly and have responded to our other problems in a timely manner. Sadly, that did not happen today, because when I got home early from work at about three o'clock, I'm greeted with a chirping...

"Whassup, assface!"

It is then that I just hope that it will die on it's own. Or that a maintenance man is on his way, battery in hand, ready to shut up the jerky detector in the hallway. I let an hour pass before the beeping drives me psychotic. I call the maintenance people again and get a person. I'm initially told that someone will be there to fix it tomorrow. Turns out she misunderstood where the smoke detector was and didn't know we could hear it from inside our apartment. She tells me that we have a caretaker who lives in the building and she'll call him as soon as she hangs up (and as a note, she did in fact leave him a message which he didn't respond to, and now she knows that because I left her a message after the below occurred)

Three hours later, it's still going. "You can't stop me" - "You're not tall enough to reach me" - "Your ass looks huge in those pants".....I cannot take it anymore. My first attack is to grab a broom and poke the hell out of it. I think I'm hoping that I can hit a button or knock the cover off so I can then tape a new battery to the end of the broom handle and put it back in? I think that's what I'm trying to accomplish. But it's no good, and the smoke detector knows it.

So I do what any self-respecting person without health insurance would do. I climb on top of the stair railing, finally making me tall enough to reach the battery. As I pull it out and place a new battery in (thankfully, I managed to have the correct kind of battery) the smoke detector makes this dying cry, like "what a world, what a world".

When I hopped down onto the landing, I took a look at the stairs and realized I probably shouldn't have done that when my health insurance doesn't kick in till the end of the week. Or really shouldn't have done it even with insurance. I'm pretty sure the smoke detector would have just stared down at my mangled body, silent for the first time all day.

Laura's TV Round-Up

1. House - I really wanted to like this one, but I just couldn't get myself to wrap my arms around it. I enjoyed the concept of House being in a psychiatric hospital, but I really don't think the episode accomplished its objectives. First of all, I was unhappy that the hallucinations were all wrapped up and solved two seconds after the credits rolled. Everything just seemed so inconsistent with the character they've written over the past few years. Like he had to have sex with that German woman in order to make a human connection? What about his relationship with Stacey? Or even really, his relationship with Cuddy? Why not explore the connections to people he (and we as the audience) already know, instead of creating some new character that no one really cares about? And the re-birthday party really didn't fit with him. It was far too soon for him to be so content. I honestly kept hoping that he'd wake up and it would have all been a hallucination again, that's how much I disliked it.

2. How I Met Your Mother - I'm really glad to have new episodes and this one was very funny, but I wish the writers would stop teasing us with the mother. If you're not going to show her, please stop saying things like "Well, your mother was sitting over here...but we'll get to that later..." - It's starting to get a little bit old to me, like that trick where you keep locking the car door the second someone puts their fingers on the handle. It's only funny to the person who's playing the trick.

3. Glee - I didn't really watch the entire episode, but I have a feeling I'll never get "Single Ladies" out of my head. Ever again.

4. Modern Family - Tim and I stumbled upon this show and it actually wound up being really funny. I liked the trick at the end where you think you're getting a sappy monologue to wrap things up (like Grey's Anatomy, or JD on Scrubs), but it turns out it was just the father making fun of a poem his son had written for his crush.

5. Flashforward - Okay, I missed the first fifteen minutes or so, but that's because I hadn't really intended on watching it. I had a wicked headache on Thursday and by 8:15 I just wanted to sit on the couch and put my head down, so I wound up seeing this show. Very strong cast and I really like the concept, I'm just not sure how they can drag it out without frustrating the audience by not letting them in on enough...Then again, it's worked for shows like Lost, Prison Break, and How I Met Your Mother (on a more comedic front of course and save my above grievances), so it'll probably work out for them too.

6. Fringe - I keep forgetting it's on. Fox was not smart to move it to 9 pm on Thursdays.

7. Grey's Anatomy - Really disappointing. Last season's finale was strong, but this episode fell flat. I wish they would have left us on the edge a little bit longer, regarding who was going to live or die. This is a show that has people meet up and talk in the inbetween and/or from the great beyond, so even if you're going to kill George, you could have had him spend a little more time around before we find out if Izzie lives. Also, having the episode span 40 days seemed like a cop-out to me. I'd much rather see how everyone progresses slowly over the season than have it crammed into two hours. Especially when those two hours didn't really give the character the goodbye he deserves. It can be done, which leads me to the list of....

TV Character Deaths that Were Way Better than George's:
1. Amber on House - She was a much more minor character and essentially got two quality hours devoted to her. Of course, in the first hour you don't know she's the dying person House is looking for, but that makes the revelation much better. It's a trippy episode and she often "wakes" up to tell House what he's doing wrong. And it never hurts to have Bon Iver and Iron & Wine singing you out.

2. Mrs. Landingham on West Wing - You get to see her in flashbacks and beyond the grave and the power of a repeated line never ceases to get me. Martin Sheen is absolutely amazing in it as well.

3. Most people on ER - ER usually does it right. Dennis Gant's maybe suicide was discovered in a fairly similar way to George on Grey's. Lucy's murder wasn't talked about a lot, but the repercussions of it went on for quite some time. Mark's episode never fails to make me cry (and we're talking an ugly cry), and Pratt's was touching as well. I refuse to acknowledge Gallant's because they pretty much brought him back just to kill him. Aside from him and Romano's ridiculous helicopter-on-top-of-me demise, they've pretty much gotten it right.

4. Oh yeah, and I wasn't watching West Wing when Leo died, so I can't make a comment on that.

5. Everyone on Six Feet Under - And I mean everyone. The series finale went through every character's death, and I thought it was a clever finale for a show set in a funeral home.

6. I think there were some good ones on Lost, but I stopped watching it and I honestly can't tell you if those characters stayed dead or not. People are always getting killed and reappearing later, so I'm not calling anybody's time of death

Grab Bag

When you lose something, I wish there was a way of knowing if it was lost forever or whether it would eventually turn up. For instance, if a voice could boom down that you threw that sweater in the Goodwill pile, or you lost your earring outside a building five days ago and that you should stop looking for it, that would be wonderful. I really shouldn't be complaining because the item that was making me think this (a missing restaurant card that was given to me as a gift) finally surrendered after a five day hunt. It also made me think that the next time I lose something, I should check under my car seats first.

Is it wrong that every time I see the Duggar family (of the reality show "However the hell many kids we have now and counting"), I think of this song? Even more, I think of the scene directly preceding it where Eric Idle (as the mother, of course) is washing the dishes and the baby just falls out of him onto the floor. Maybe I'm already going to hell for not feeling that every sperm is sacred, but I'm sure this doesn't help matters.

Things I Saw On My Walk to Work Today:
1. A banana peel which I did not slip on, but almost wanted to just for the story.
2. A pair of underwear. The tight white variety, just chilling on the sidewalk like it's always been there. Looking at me like, "Hello, how you doing, lovely weather we're having"
3. A metal fork. No signs of food, spoons, knives or other cutlery.
4. A sign for "Smedley Chevrolet," which is a fun sounding word.
5. A condom wrapper, which was nowhere near the pair of underwear, which means that the people travelled down the road to actually have sex, or there were at least three naked people on the street.
6. A left shoe and a right shoe that did not match each other, were sitting next to each other and both appeared to be men's shoes.

A Few Comments on the Emmys:
- I was a little underwhelmed, though I don't know if I blame NPH for this so much as the writing.
- There needs to be a five year long ban on playing or singing "I Will Remember You". I like seeing the people the acting world lost over the last year, but I don't think someone should be singing live next to them (and especially when they're singing that song). I liked how the audience seemed a little awkward when she finished - Should we clap, should we not clap, will the dead actors be pissed if we clap, what if Sarah McLachlan beats us up for not clapping later?
- Jon Cryer winning over NPH (and several others in that category) really bothered me. Two and a Half Men is not funny. Stop trying to make fetch happen
- I was very excited that the Craig Ferguson puppets made an appearance in the variety montage. I love the shark puppet so much.
- I just cannot get into 30 Rock. I've really tried, but it's just not happening. Plus it really bothers me that the show within the show is named "The Girlie Show". It just makes me queasy for some weird reason.
- I've had "Mother Lover" in my head ever since the broadcast.

Back

It's not that I haven't had time to write. For the first time in awhile, I just haven't wanted to. Nothing's wrong really, there's just been a bunch of tiny things that pile up that you have to deal with. Also, I changed from an estrogen-progesterone pill to one that's progesterone only, and the result has been my hormones being all out of whack. I didn't feel like writing about things if I was wearing mood swing colored glasses. Not that they're off just yet. I just got sick of being quiet.

I'm starting to find my away around the city, which is nice. Yesterday I went to the library in Hyde Park, which was tiny but nice. This is probably the first time in about twelve years that I've had to find books on my own and have keep an eye on their due date. I have been completely spoiled by (a) my mother working in a library with access to returning/checking out items several days a week, (b) her knowing exactly what my tastes are and putting aside books she thinks I'd like, and (c) not having to pay library fines. I found four seemingly acceptable books (though one I may have actually read already) and one Bourne Ultimatum DVD which we watched last night. Now I just need to return them on time.

I know there's more to say, but Moxy jumped onto my lap and the way she's resting on my arm makes it difficult to type. Plus I really need to do some more of my online training programs for work. More later.

Limbo

My posting skills lately have been less than desirable. Either I've been too busy to write or I just plain haven't wanted to. Sometimes a combination of the two, because it seems just like me to avoid unpacking by writing, but save that entry last week, I haven't. The apartment actually resembles a home-type place with only a couple things that need to be completed. Some of the walls are far to thick/hard so I've been unable to get the required screws in the wall for my key rack and the hooks I want to put in the bathroom. I'm also waiting on putting up curtains till they fix the screens in the bedroom, so those are just chilling in the closets. I need to start hanging some pictures, so maybe I'll attempt that tonight. Pictures will be posted when those few things are completed.

Mom was here Tuesday afternoon to Thursday afternoon, which was quite possibly the best thing that could have happened. Having her around made everything a million times less stressful and I really enjoyed the company while driving aimlessly around Cincinnati. I think I would have gone crazy if it had been just me and the kitties wandering around the apartment, I really do. So a million billion trillion shout outs and love to my mom, who never ceases to impress. I will miss being a five minute drive away from you.

I've managed to find a couple of things in Cincinnati, and I am now in love with Whole Foods. I like how it smells and how it looks and it has a cell phone recycling area, which is really nice for someone who has phones that have been sitting around her apartment for the past few months. Plus if you go at the right time, there are some very delicious free samples. I was in Kroger today (Whole Foods is too expensive for everyday needs) - not the Kroghetto by my apartment, but the nicer one out at a shopping center off the highway - and they had an insane amount of free samples, like I honestly could have made a meal out of that. I was still too full from breakfast though, so I declined everything save one carrot.

Yesterday I drove up to Columbus to see the Clippers game (AAA team for the Indians) with my sister, and my parents also came down to see the game. It's a pretty nice stadium and yesterday they had Jake the Diamond Dog as their batboy. Jake is a golden retriever who barked twice to start the game (instead of someone saying "Play ball"), would take a basket with bottles of water to the umps between innings, caught frisbees when play was not in session, retrieved foul balls, and actually carried bats in his teeth. Apparently he was giving his paw print after the game, but I did not actually see it. I stayed overnight and got back this afternoon.

Tomorrow I start my new job and I really don't feel like talking about it. Plus I don't really know what will be going on, so more on the whole working thing later. More importantly, Tim will be getting here tomorrow, so I actually have someone non-feline to come home to.

In case I haven't said it before, if anyone wants to visit, you're more than welcome. Also, if anyone needs my new address, please let me know - I was trying to send out a mass Facebook message, but the stupid thing wouldn't let me, so it's come to this. Later gators.