The Tale of Sir Laura

Here is the story of Laura Catherine Hampton, a young woman who is very very dumb.

It was a cold December afternoon when Laura walked to her car in the parking garage. Days ago, she had done laundry at her parent's house and left one of the baskets in the trunk. Her husband had attempted to get the basket out the night before, but the trunk had frozen shut. Laura's car had been sitting in the garage all day, so she figured that maybe it was warm enough in there for the trunk to open, so she tried again, using both the key and the trunk release to no avail.

At this point, Laura noticed a layer of ice surrounding the cracks of the trunk. She deduced that perhaps the trunk would open if she chipped away at the ice. She took her car key and started poking at the ice. It was then that the key slipped down into one of the cracks, bending an end of it. Laura worked hard to mold the key back into its original position, but the key would not budge. At one point, she managed to bend it a little bit, but it still remained warped. So warped that it would not fit in the ignition.

After trying for several more minutes to repair the key, Laura decided it was a lost cause and that she would have to return later with a spare key. Her husband and parents, the owners of her spare keys, were all at work. It was then that she made her way to the RTA station, paid two dollars for her stupidity and got on the Rapid. After several stops and a man who actually beeped at her (like with his mouth), she got off the train and walked a little under to her apartment, on the coldest day of the year. When she returned to her apartment, she couldn't feel her thighs and spent about a minute poking them. Which was actually quite fun.

The moral of the story: I am a dumbass

Christmas Conundrum

I have a cold and am spending the first part of my day on the couch. I have not one but two Christmas parties to attend later today, so right now I'm conserving my energy. As part of the conservation effort, I've been watching Christmas specials. I have a tape from the 80s that has Muppet Family Christmas, Rudolph and Pee Wee's Christmas special (including a bunch of awesome 80s commericals). Watching these reminded me of a question that has plagued me for years:

Why is this toy a misfit?



Even as a small child, I could not figure it out because I always thought she'd make a good toy. Granted, I thought that pretty much all the misfit toys were pretty sweet (especially the spotted elephant), but I cannot figure out what her flaw was. She has a normal doll body, she's not a train with square wheels and she's not a bird who swims. The toy doesn't have a specific name, so we know she can't be suffering from Charlie in the Box syndrome.

And something disturbing: At the end when the elves start throwing the misfit toys off the sleigh with umbrellla, the elf throws the bird out without an umbrella! As we all know, this bird was a misfit because he can't fly. Basically the elf committed misfit-toyicide and no one seemed to care. I hope they didn't go over a body of water and throw the sinking boat in, because then that elf is a serial killer and we just can't have that. Then again, Santa was racist, so god only knows what was going on up in the north pole.

O Christmas Tree

Well this happened. Again.



Anyone know how to keep a cat off of a Christmas tree?