Collin

Collin Joseph MacGregor passed away on the evening of January 8, 2010. He was on this earth for almost 8 weeks. He will be in our lives for much longer.

He was born on November 12, 2009, at 1 pound 15 ounces, almost 13 inches long, at one day short of 26 weeks. I could list off everything he went through during the 55 days of his life, but all you need to know is this: Collin was a fighter.

So often, I would hear about the obstacles Collin was facing. I would wonder how he would be able to fend off the opponents heading his way. Yet, time after time, he did. In his last day of his life, he even survived a surgery that many thought he would not. In the end, he had a clot that could not be broken, even with the doctors fighting with him as well. You never ceased to amaze me, Collin. Who knew that something that small could have so much strength?

I am not saying that this makes sense, a baby, a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin being gone so quickly. It breaks my heart, thinking of the pain that his absence will cause. I hate that I'll never get to see him at family gatherings or get a chance to hold him or watch him play. But I don't begrudge you that, Collin. I'm so relieved that you can relax and you don't have to fight any more.

When I worked in bone marrow transplant, I saw one of my well-liked patients the morning of the day he passed. His breathing was struggling and he had a do not intubate order, so they placed him on a high-flow oxygen mask to help him hold on until his family could be there. Despite this, he was still very alert, but he couldn't talk because of the oxygen blowing into his mouth and nose, and he had trouble hearing over the sound of the mask. I was at the foot of his bed, so I reached over, held his foot tightly and looked into his eyes. There was an understanding between us in that moment - Goodbye, this is likely the last time I will see you. His eyes were saying thank you. I hope mine were too.

I want Collin to know this as well. He could not walk, he could not speak, he never lived outside of a hospital, but he managed to reach so many people. Most of them he never even met, but we knew him and we are blessed. To witness someone so courageous and feisty is truly an honor. You will be in my heart forever.

Thank you Collin, for everything you taught while you were here with us. We will carry the lesson with us every single day. We wish you could have stayed here longer, but how lucky to have an angel like you watching over us. I love you, sweet boy