Flushed

Rest in peace, big fella.

For those of you who don't know, I once had a very large toilet. So large that it actually scared my sister, who wanted to draw a chalk lining around it to make sure it didn't grow any larger. I was a little apprehensive towards it at first too, but I grew used to it. Now it's gone to toilet heaven.

Apparently they're replacing all the toilets in the building and it was our turn this morning. Now we have a toilet about half the size of this one, and it feels just plain weird. First of all, it no longer goes all the way up to the wall, so I feel like I'm peeing in the middle of the room. In addition, not being up against the wall makes it so much easier to knock the toilet paper and kleenex off the back of the toilet.

What's even worse is that it has low toilet water. Don't ask me to explain this pet peeve, but it just bothers me. You'd think that it would help calm my irrational fear that I'll pee so much one day that the toilet will overflow. Laugh if you want, but sometimes I pee a lot. However, the annoyance outweighs the lessening of an irrational fear.

On a happier note, my new shaving cream is green and it's awesome. I feel like I'm shaving my legs on a Nickelodeon game show.

Cap It Off

I was perusing Yahoo's homepage today while I was at work (you know that perusing Yahoo's homepage is actually in my job description) and I came across the news that a set of octuplets was born in California yesterday. First of all, I was surprised to hear that all eight of them are breathing on their own despite being nine weeks premature. Second, I was surprised to hear that they were only expecting to find seven babies. How scary is that - you think you're having seven babies which is crazy enough as is, and then bam, they pull out an eighth one? That is one of my irrational fears, that I'll be delivering my first child and all of a sudden a second one is like "Hey there, you have to be my mom too!" I know it's a lot easier for an eighth to hide than a second one, but I have a feeling I'll eat a lot during pregnancy. Like more than I do now. But I digress....Here's the third and final thing that surprised me about this story. The surgeon's cap:

Surgeon's caps are not known to be particularly roomy. Personally, I've never worn one - women wear those stupid shower cap looking things, despite what Grey's Anatomy would have you to believe - but I've seen plenty of men in them, and they all look pretty form fitting. Which leads me to wonder where this surgeon got such a big cap, and why he needs such a big cap. Does he have a lot of hair? An insanely large forehead? Now I'm going to be wondering this forever, because you know I'll never see a picture of him without his cap off. And the best part of the picture is that the dude on the left may very well be contemplating the same thing.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I think this hat is the most glorious thing I have ever seen.


I mean seriously, would you take a look at that thing? First you take a giant bow, one that is approximately two times the size of Aretha Franklin's head and then you add Swarovski crystals to it....shear genius, my friends. If you saw that hat under your Christmas tree, wouldn't you think it was a present? Imagine trying to untie the ribbon only to realize you've gotten the greatest gift of all - The gift bow hat.

The picture of her singing actually reminds me of something else I need to share with the world - The music video for "It's Raining Men". Mack, Kristen and I saw it last weekend at Melt, only the audio was turned off so it was fun to guess what the f was going on. So here it is, your moment of zen.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXudUM0vKSc&feature=related(you're welcome.)

1, 2, 3, 4, Pressure!

In order to understand this list, you'll have to watch this video. I assure you, you won't regret it.

Things I Love About Billy Joel's "Pressure" Video
1. The way he flails in his chair, as if the pressure induced seizures
2. When the camera freezes and zooms in on his face. That face would be excellent on a poster, or T-shirt
3. The slow motion image of a car splashing water on his pants and the look of digust on his face when this occurs
4. How Billy Joel apparently runs like Phoebe Buffay
5. The fact that Billy Joel sleeps with a glass of wine next to him and when he knocks it over, it turns into a raging sea of emotion. And his bed looks like a ten year old's
6. Billy's knowing face when the cup starts spitting out coffee
7. When the party guests go sailing across the room. From the pressure?
8. When the overly fluffy carpet starts to digest him. And then transports him into a maze. Of pressure!
9. How kid Billy Joel's pressure seems to involve scissors, film strip and a ketchup bottle swirling around his head. Because he once ran with scissors, couldn't get the ketchup bottle open and watched a movie?
10. And then vegetables and a Kermit the Frog doll go flying down the hall with him. I know I find both of those things very threatening
11. When we randomly switch to contestants on a game show and list their interests
12. And William Joel's interests are "fast bikes, cooking and water sports," but if you pause it at exactly that part, it looks like his interests are "fast bikes, cooking and water"
13. When Billy watches a montage of the video. Isn't the whole video itself supposed to be a montage? It's like an Escher painting, but a lot funnier and not so artistic.
14. Billy Joel's spinning office chair of doom!!
15. PRESSURE!!