Laura's TV Round-Up, Week 10

1. HIMYM – I only wish that there was more than just one slap left. Hopefully their will somehow be a loophole allowing extra slaps to be given. If they really made a slap bet board game, I’d totally buy it. I actually think Alexis, Katy and I already played the Slap Bet game at Merry Arts a few weeks ago, but it wasn’t a game so much as we just started slapping each other. I also wouldn’t mind playing “Diseases,” but I have a feeling that it wouldn’t be medically accurate and might lead to me being angry about it.

Was distracted by the following:
- Lily’s wig in flashback scenes. Though I appreciate having her hair match the style it would have been then, someone needed to take her wig and slide it back to the proper place on her head.
- Robin’s outfit. I feel like the costumers have been putting her in very unflattering clothing this season, and apparently my uncle agrees. We understand that she just had a baby, but it seems like they could be putting her in better outfits
- How such a large turkey was cooked so quickly. And also how they were still eating it even after it had been attacked by lead based paint and horse bile


2. Glee – I’m perplexed at how much I enjoy this show despite being so bothered by it….

Can’t full enjoy:
- Will because even though his wife isn’t actually pregnant, he still thinks she is and is flirting with Emma.
- Emma because she’s an idiot who’s marrying someone she’s not in love with and flirting with a married man
- Terri because she’s an idiot faking her pregnancy
- Quinn because she’s lying to Finn, can’t understand why Puck would move on and still feels like the whole world is out to get her.
- Finn because he’s really really dumb. And try as I might, I don’t like his singing voice the majority of the time
- Puck because the writers wanted to turn him into a jackass and make him only like Quinn for sex
- Mercedes because I’m still mad at her for dismissing Puck’s confession last week.

Other notes:
- Seriously, did they get rid of that list of approved songs given by the principal?
- Why did the guys need wigs?
- Liked the deaf school’s number, but like I told my family, Napoleon Dynamite kind of ruined sign language set to song for me
- Sue is back!
- I hate “True Colors”
- And once again, just how many numbers are they performing?

Laura's TV Round Up, Week 9

1. House – I watched HIMYM live and meant to watch House online the next day only to find that Fox won’t let you watch House online till 8 days after the original broadcast. This is stupid on so many different levels, so I read the synopsis of the episode, which also sounded stupid on so many different levels. I don’t really care for Cameron, but she deserves a better exit than that. Why marry the two only to have them split a handful of episodes later? Why not have her get a job at another hospital? I might be done with this show.

2. HIMYM – Another solid episode. Loved the playbook, loved Barney’s winking, loved “you sonofabitch,” loved that even though the punch line of the scuba diver was obvious from the start, it still was funny. Cannot wait to celebrate another Slapsgiving. I really want Ranjit to be there.

3. Glee – No Sue? I’m filing a formal complaint. Rachel’s crush and the subsequent use of her for cleaning/making dinner were funny. I felt a twinge of sympathy for Quinn when her parents kicked her out, but that was only because I forgot she was a lying bitch for a second there. Finn’s mom is awesome and I want her to hook up with Kurt’s dad so Kurt and Finn can be awkward stepbrothers. Hate, hate, hate, hated Mercedes’ reaction to Puck’s confession. It seemed completely out of character for her to support Finn staying with Quinn just because “she chose him” and it was obvious it was done just to drag the storyline out a little bit longer (which I do not appreciate). I hate “Lean on Me” so I didn’t even watch the end of the episode. I really want Puck, Kurt and Sue to have their own show. When I have my own network, it can follow the Taye Diggs Shirtless Hour.

4. Modern Family – This show is normally so funny that it didn’t really need Edward Norton and Elizabeth Banks to guest star, but I’ll allow it.

5. Grey’s Anatomy – I don’t understand why this show feels the need to cram so much time into one episode. It feels really rushed, not to mention weird to go through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s in an episode that airs a week before Thanksgiving. Did anyone else find the Christmas music to be really distracting? Not just the fact that it was out of place so early in the year, but it seemed like the volume of it was too loud for the scenes it was playing over. Hated Bailey’s disapproving father and would like someone to have a normal parent who behaves appropriately. I would have liked the patient storylines if they had each been in their own episode, but together was sloppy and made it feel like the writers were convincing us that these were very important people with heart wrenching stories that we needed to love immediately. Would have been better to see them over several episodes and not just this one. Hate Sloane’s daughter, and am very confused why her mother would name her after the man who gave her a couple hundred bucks and was never seen again after learning she was pregnant. And why would Joe call Meredith to pick up drunk Chief and not, say, the Chief’s wife who might actually do a damn thing about the drinking? I’m glad this show isn’t on again till January. It needs to take a time out and think about what it’s done.

The Summer I Was An Old Lady

Abbey’s comment on my last post reminded me of the summer I was an old lady*. It was 2006 and I just had knee surgery (my fourth, actually) and had to stay off of my left leg for about eight weeks. The only exercise I was permitted to do was swimming, so I joined the Westlake YMCA to use their indoor pool (reason: Lakewood’s Y was closed for the summer and outdoor pools are generally filled with splashy kids who are more likely to urinate in the pool, plus there are fewer lap lanes).

About five days a week, I would get up from my cross-stitching project (the no weight bearing thing made it impossible to get a job) and drive out to Westlake. For convenience purposes, I usually changed into my bathing suit beforehand and put a pair of shorts and a t-shirt over it. I would gimp in, give them my ID and go to the pool area. Here, I’d sit down on a bench, strip down to my bathing suit, take off my glasses and set my crutches aside. Because the bench was a few feet from the pool itself and the deck area was too wet for crutches, I’d scoot over on my butt, till I could make it into the water. I was quite possibly the most graceful thing the Westlake Y has ever seen.

My pool companions were typically as follows:
1. One to two business-like looking men who did speedy laps on their lunch breaks or before heading to the office in the morning
2. A fat older gentlemen, who was either doing some physical therapy or just liked walking up and down the incline that occurs when the pool changes depths.
3. Old men who were doing medium speed laps, who looked like they had possibly been in the Navy back in their day
4. Old women who did laps so slow they looked like their arms were part of a synchronized swimming team
5. An old woman, in her swim cap, her make-up done perfectly, who bobbed on a noodle at all times, with her face always out of the water

After I was done, I’d hobble out, dry off, and go to the locker room. There, I was in a sea of naked old ladies. Old ladies have apparently reached the conclusion that they aren’t getting any younger, it’s annoying to hold a towel up or put on some pants while you dry your hair, and even if they don’t have it anymore, by god, they are going to flaunt it anyhow. They’ll walk up and down the locker room naked. They’ll comb their hair right next to your locker for five minutes naked. They’ll have conversations with each other about how she and her husband Elmer are going to have KFC for dinner tonight. They are old ladies, dammit, and they will not wear pants. I may have been an old lady on crutches that summer, but I was an old lady on crutches that put on her clothes as soon as possible. And that, my friends, made the difference.

*I know that I actually am an old lady most of the time, as evidenced by my recurrent knee problems, glasses wearing, puzzle doing, tea drinking, cat having tendencies and the ability to talk about bowel function at the drop of a hat. That summer just elevated it to a whole new level.

Progesterone and Thongs

I don’t care how perfect your ass is. I don’t want to see it sticking out of your thong for five minutes while you read a magazine in the gym locker room. Could you just not wait to read that article? When your pants came off, you just had to see what the eight Twilight-inspired hair and makeup tricks were? Put your gym shorts on. Actually, put some underwear on before you get on the elliptical, because it seems like that thong might be uncomfortable.

One might state that I’m annoyed because I do not have an ass that looks perfect in a thong. I’m not being little miss poor self esteem here. My ass is one of those asses that looks good in jeans, it just requires fabric to look awesome, that’s all. I’m just saying, even if I had a naked-butt thong-wearing perfect ass, I still wouldn’t sit near the entrance of the locker room reading Allure.

In other news, I hate progesterone. It makes me feel like a raging blob (you would think those two things would not go together, but they do) and my face has turned into a zit. Well, actually, a series of zits. My face feels like Braille. I’m conflicted what to do, because if I go to the neurologist, I’m pretty sure they’ll say I can’t have estrogen. And I do have to admit that I’ve had fewer headaches since going off of it. But I really really hate progesterone. Stupid ovaries and fallopian tubes and uterus. The face stuff I got from the dermatologist better smooth things out. I know I’m using very technical terms here.

Don’t care, I’m off the clock. Which actually isn’t going to stop me from working on my paper, so I’m going to shower and get to it. And after I shower, I’m putting on pants and not reading Allure in a thong.

Laura's TV Round Up, Week 8

1. House - This was probably the best episode of the season, and even though that's not saying much based on the other episodes, it was good enough. If nothing else, this episode began to resolve some issues - Chase finally confessed that he was a James Earl Jones-killer to Cameron, and House made a move on (and failed with) Cuddy. Showing some respect for Wilson was a big step as well. I kept saying I wanted the private detective back and while I'm not sure if I want him back in this context, I'm willing to give it a shot. Even the patient of the week was somewhat interesting.

2. HIMYM - This was definitely the best episode of the season, hands down. And I'm not just saying that because Barney and Robin broke up (though it certainly didn't hurt). It involved all of the characters equally, I loved the stake out in the not-van including Alan Thicke (and the return of CrazyMeg - I love when they bring things back from past episodes), and had the promise of Barney discovering the tape of the Alan Thicke-Robin Sparkles variety hour. Unleash the Kraken!

3. Glee
- Quinn Fabre must die – That’s nice, yell at the guy you’re pretending is the father of your baby for not making any money, then dismiss any money the actual father of your baby is providing (I don’t mean the money he stole at the end from the bake sale, but at least take the eighteen dollars he offered earlier, it’s a start). Initially I thought she should wind up with Puck, but now I think he’s way too good for her. Even with his douchebag hair.

- Rachel Barry is Idina Menzel – Her performance of “Defying Gravity” this week further confirms my suspicions that the Glee producers took Idina Menzel and placed her in a box that transformed her into a high school student. If this is the case, does that make Taye Diggs available? If not, I think Idina Menzel should show up as Rachel’s biological mother.

- Sue Sylvester has a soul/Wheels – I liked the overall message that these storylines were sending, I felt like the execution might have been a little too after school special for me. It just seemed like the writers suddenly decided that Sue was going to have that sister, not something they’ve been planning all along. I’m interested to see where this goes. I thought this episode was an interesting reply to all of the backlash they’ve gotten about casting a non-wheelchair-bound actor for Artie’s part.

- Kurt is my favorite – And I love that there is a gay character on tv with a fully supportive fathe. I adore them.

- And by the way – I find it hard to believe that one (if not both) of the members of the diva-off didn’t insist that the “Defying Gravity” solo include the ending with “so if you care to find me, look to the western sky…” – That is every diva’s chill-inducing dream part.

4. Grey’s Anatomy – The writers clearly want us to hate Izzie because she acts like a bitch and has no logic behind her actions. I hate to be supporting another failed relationship/marriage on that show, but really, Alex is better than all of this. I really wish that the new cardio surgeon didn’t have a connection to Hunt, because I have no interest in going through another love triangle. I’m sick of love triangles. If you want relationship drama, draw from something else, and with his history of PTSD, you have plenty to draw from. I did not see the Chief falling off the wagon storyline coming and I thought the reveal of club soda being vodka was done well. I could have done without the Bailey/Adele thinks he’s having an affair plot (though I loved gossip Callie and Mark) and wasn’t particularly fond of all the flashbacks he had while drinking (I think it would have been more powerful without them). I am curious though – Who knows that the Chief is a former alcoholic? I think Derek does, and I’m pretty sure Meredith knows, but is anyone else on staff aware of this?

5. Private Practice – I saw the first few minutes of this, then watched it online the next day with the hope that Taye Diggs might take off his shirt. He didn’t, but it was an okay episode just the same. I appreciated there not being a happy ending for the car crash people, though I thought it would be the husband that died and not the wife. I don’t even want to discuss the kissing at the end of the episode. This episode had an actress who had previously been on Grey’s Anatomy (the bride was one of the friends of the chief’s sick niece [which by the way, what happened to her?] a few seasons ago) and that annoys me a bit. If you’re going to insist that all these characters live in the same world and have crossovers, you shouldn’t have actors playing different people between the shows. This isn’t the first time – I know Kellie Martin was a battered woman on Private Practice, but she was a hippie’s sister on Grey’s. There have to be other examples of this too, and it just bugs me for some reason.

6. Project Runway – I didn’t watch this, but I saw promos for it and it bothers me that (at least according to this promo) the designers don’t expect that they’ll have to create an additional look for their collection when they get there. It’s happened several seasons and you should be prepared for that possibility, even if someone swears to you that it’s not going to happen because it is totally going to happen. That is all.

Laura's TV Round Up, Week 7

1. House, Glee – Fucking Yankees. That is all.

2. HIMYM – I continue to be disappointed by the writers cutting back Ted’s storylines to give room for the Barney/Robin relationship that still doesn’t mesh. Honestly, I was hopeful that their fighting might led to a break-up because I still don’t feel these two as a couple and the writers are doing nothing else to convince me. The bagpipe joke became grating as the episode went on, and I hated that there was no real resolution in Barney and Robin’s fighting. Marshall was the highlight of this episode, and I could have used more one-liners from his fight with Lily (“my mother is neutral about you”). I enjoyed the use of slap-bet (which is new favorite game of drunkAlexis, by the way), but overall this episode was lacking something.

3. V – I figured I’d try something new, but I got bored and turned it off. It’s just as well, because I really don’t have the time for another show. Now I just wish they’d move one of my Monday or Wednesday shows to Tuesday so I didn’t have to watch them online later.

4. Modern Family – Continue to love, but I don’t know if anyone reading this actually watches it, so I’ll refrain from further commentary.

5. Grey’s Anatomy – For the most part, I liked this episode. Arizona has really developed as a character since she was introduced last season, and this episode further solidified it. Callie was a little dumb for throwing a surprise party on the day of her girlfriend’s most important surgery to date, but aside from that, the two of them are an enjoyable and for the most part, believable couple. Callie has always been one of my favorites, so it’s nice to see her happy, and with someone who (apparently) loves her. Owen and Cristina bug somewhat. Izzie, as always, annoys, and I’m not happy to see her back in the previews. And the scene with the three couples congregating for breakfast in the morning seemed a little over the top for me. A little too Friends-like for me. I think I would have believed it more if it was limited to Callie-Arizona and Mark-Lexie. Definitely an improvement.

6. Project Runway – In television, one day you’re in and the next day you’re out. I have to leave my apartment by seven most Friday mornings and this show simply does not outweigh the benefits of an extra hour of sleep. Auf wiedersehen, Project Runway. I’ll try again next season.

Laura's TV Round Up, Week 6

1. HIMYM, House, Glee - All weren't on this week, so I don't need to comment on them. Except I'm still pissed off about House's level of suckage this season. And my mom agrees with me on the whole not believing Robin/Barney thing. Oh, and while I was at a shopping center on Friday, they played the Glee version of "Somebody to Love," so that was enjoyable.

2. Modern Family - If you have twenty minutes to spare and need a laugh, I highly recommend watching this episode online. The only thing that bothered me was that this week they had the kids on their first day of school when last week they had the kids established in school (and no reference of summer inbetween). Okay, maybe I was a little bothered by the voiceover at the end too, but it was funny enough that I can look over it.

3. Grey's Anatomy - What was that shit? It was a good idea, but seriously, Derek stares at a tumor for ten hours? He draws it on the wall of his bedroom in permanent marker? He goes over twenty four hours awake during the same procedure? And we're supposed to believe that Issac's been here all along and everyone loves him? I'm fine with having a Derek-centered episode. I'm fine with the operaiton on something that is supposedly inoperable. But do it well. Do it more accurately. And if the cast is going to care so much about a person, make it someone we've seen many times before, because I do not remember this guy at all and I'm pretty sure I've seen just about every episode of this show. Having Izzie not show up for chemo made it all the more insulting that George died in order to balance out her living. And let me say something else - It really pisses me off that Derek and Meredith still aren't legally married, I'm sick of the whole post-it note wedding bullshit. They clearly had a marriage license because they were planning on getting married till about two hours before the ceremony. Not sure what the regulations are in their state, but in Ohio, you have to use it within a given time or else it's no longer valid. We already know that time passed inbetween the wedding and the season finale, then the premiere covered forty days. If you're going to have them stay unmarried and living together and having kids, etc, that's fine - Just don't pretend they're married because a post-it note said it.

4. Project Runway - I didn't watch it because I was tired and had to get up early and couldn't justify staying up for something that was most likely going to be annoying and pointless, so I didn't. And I didn't feel like watching it online either. So I looked at the pictures of the outfits and read someone's two paragraph recap, and that'll have to suffice for this week. At least Logan's gone. And once again, Mike you may take it away.