Happy Birthday Stefanie.

It is 11 o’clock on a Sunday night, and I cannot get something out of my mind. It is the birthday of a girl I’ve never really met or spoken to, someone I’ve seen in passing. What I know of her is only things I’ve heard from others or mere impressions I’ve gotten from a smiling girl on the opposite side of a classroom or the other end of the hall. Tomorrow was to have been her 19th birthday.

She passed away last Tuesday, at some point in the afternoon. I’m told that it was an epileptic seizure, though the details on why it did so much damage and ultimately took her life are a bit fuzzy. I heard it happened in her dorm, but I don’t know the sequence of events. I see her roommate almost every day on campus, and now I wonder how the hell you even begin to deal with such a thing. How can you possibly understand when your 18 year old roommate is busy studying for finals one minute, and the next she is gone? How do you react when you hear that your daughter, sister, friend is gone?

I did not know Stefanie. When I first heard the news, I actually had to look up her picture because I couldn’t place a face with the name. When I saw her smile, I was dumbstruck because I recognized her. I had classes with her – Being a transfer you have to take some general freshman PA courses to catch up, and she was a freshman PA. I wonder if I ever talked to her, ever smiled at her. I know I remember her smile, but I’m not sure from where.

I’ve read so many things about her, how much she was loved. She came from a town not too far from mine, her heritage was Ukrainian. She had big feet and liked volleyball. Her middle name was Anne. She loved 80s music, she liked reading poems. She seemed to make so many laugh and smile. From what I can remember, I remember her smiling. I remember you smiling, Stefanie.

I just wanted to tell you, happy birthday Stefanie. May you rest in peace.