Fun With Sky Mall

I was stuck in the airport all day Wednesday and by the time I boarded my thrice delayed plane, it was after 8 pm and I was starting to get sleepy. I didn't want to nap that late at night, so I devised a way to stay awake: Look at the ridiculous things in the Sky Mall catalog. These are my findings....

- Canine Genealogy Kit ($59.95) - DNA swab that recognizes 63 breeds

- The Only Portable Microwave Oven ($299.95) - Weighs 16 lb

- The Telekinetic Obstacle Course ($99.95) - use your mind to move objects! Or just use your mind and realize that this won't work and save yourself one hundred dollars.

- The Marshmallow Shooter ($24.95) - "shoots sweet edible minature marshmallows over 30' and - unlike other marshmallow blasters - it comes with an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy"; marshmallows not included

- The Million Germ Eliminating Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer ($29.95) - I doubt this actually does what it says it does, but I really like it's name.

- The Automatic Marshmallow Bazooka ($49.95) - In case the Marshmallow Shooter didn't have enough oomph for you, we have the marshmallow bazooka. You'll be comforted to know that this one also comes with an LED light

- The Voice Activated R2D2 ($189.95) - It's pretty ridiculous, but if you want a ridiculous Star Wars character in your house, this isn't an entirely bad price.

- The Slanket ($37.99) - A snuggie rip-off that's more expensive and just as douchey

- The Cell Phone Watch ($269.99) - "is perfect for anyone who needs to have their hands-free". Also perfect for those who have never heard of blue tooth and want to wear a ginormous watch

- For about $39.99, you can insert your name in a picture of a MLB team, a movie poster, in the sand or on a Vegas marquee

- For around $19.99, you can insert your name in a radio broadcast of a previous world series or super bowl. Because that will make you cool.

- Forest Faces ($19.99) - Honor your favorite sports team by creeping the local children out!

- The Solafeet Foot Tanner ($299.99) - "rid yourself of those ugly sock tan lines forever!"; all you have to do is put your feet in this contraption, and you'll be "pale to tan in just 5 to 10 days"...Yes, 5 to 10 days, not minutes. Essentially enough time to go outside and get rid of those tan lines yourself. For free.

- Covertiques ($19.99) - adhere to your skin to cover up cleavage, includes 3 colors (black, beige and white)

- The Relaxing Magic, Water Saving 2 Minute and Pure Fun Magic Showerheads ($49.99-59.99) - These showerheads have LED lights allowing you to change your water's color, and "creates an experience that can feel as enjoyable and relaxing as being in a spa". I've never been in a spa, but I don't think they have colored lights. And actually, I think lights changing color would put me on edge. As would the fact that I spent fifty dollars on a shower light

- Yet another dog DNA test - This one costs $124.99, so I'm assuming it's better

- Truck Antlers ($24.99) - In case your truck didn't look white trashy enough, these will help ensure that everyone notices what a red neck you are

- Kneeling Santa Yard Display ($129.99) - "expresses the true focus of Christmas". Just because you have Jesus in it, it doesn't make it about the true focus of Christmas. Especially when Santa is the one kneeling over him. And lights up. For 130 dollars.

- A Taser ($349.95) - because "personal safety starts with taser"!

- Spirit of Nottingham Woods ($19.95) - This product wraps around your tree to further creep people the fuck out.

- Box of Applause or Box of Laughter ($24.95) - for people who have to have their ego reinforced so much that they need to buy a box that applauds or laughs every time they open it

- Shape Up Pads ($19.95 for 1 pair, $29.95 for 2 pairs) - butt pads! You can buy butt pads while you're on an airplane! Butt pads!

- And for those who just can't decide, there's a selection of Sky Mall gift cards!

Flight Delay

Have I ever blogged in an airport before? No , I have not. The only reason I am now is because my flight has been delayed for the second time (originally 4:15, then 5:30, now 6:40) and I'm hoping it's not delayed again because I'd like to get home at some point tonight. I know I could pretend I was on the Amazing Race and sleep in the airport, but I'd like to avoid that if at all possible. You would think it would be easier to fly from Philadelphia to Cincinnati.

I've liked airports since I was little, and I thought it'd be interesting to live in an airport long before Tom Hanks ever did it. Then again, I was seven at the time, but there is something fun about airports.I like seeing what artwork and design styles the airport uses. I like seeing what’s been invented since the last time I traveled – For instance, in the Cincinnati airport they have a machine with a bunch of different cords coming out of it where you can charge your phone for a fee.

One of my favorite airport pastimes (actually, you can play this in the comfort of your own hometown, if you so desire) is to see how much the pads and tampons cost. In Cleveland, they’re free but you have to press a button. In Charlotte, they’re out in a little basket along with mints and other toiletries (yes, I did take a mint from them). Philadelphia is the same as Cleveland. I went to the bathroom in Cincinnati, but there was a cleaning woman so I couldn't investigate (plus I didn't check any luggage, so I was lugging a thousand pounds of crap). If they’re free, I don’t take them just to take them in fear that I’ll get bad period/tampon karma and next time I really need one and don’t have one, all my money will be gone or I’ll be traveling with only boys. You don’t want bad period/tampon karma, let me tell you.

Laura's TV Round Up, Week 5

1. HIMYM - I would have liked this episode a lot better if Lily hadn't joined in on the road trip. I found Tantrum to be hilarious (and very similar to Tim when he has two cups of coffee in him), and I liked the use of 500 miles again, but everything else just seemed like wasted potential. Am I the only one being a sourpuss about this season? I feel like I might be.

2. House - Wake me up when something worthwhile happens. I don't care that Chase killed Darth Vadar. I don't care that House hears voices oh wait no he doesn't, he wants Cuddy oh no he doesn't. Fucking do something already. And you should have had your ass sued for making up a medical condition and giving sugar pills.

3. Modern Family – caught it online, so the part where it slowed down/skipped in the middle was annoying, but I really can’t fault the show for that since it was computer related. Not the best episode that I’ve seen, but it was still pretty funny. I would totally go gay for Cameron. Or actually have a sex change, then go gay for Cameron. And for you non-watchers, it’s not because he’s attractive (like my future second husband Taye Diggs), it’s because he’s funny as hell.

4. Glee – This episode just bothered me. The Slushie war concept was funny but then overused. It was initially nice to hear Will sing again, but then weird and overused (it will never be okay for a teacher to sing the lines “wish you could sex her” in front of his students). Emma’s storyline bugs because she knows exactly what she was getting herself into and still keeps going for the married guy (who keeps leading her on, and come on, he knows it). Liked Puck and Rachel together because Quinn and Finn are stupid. Mad that Quinn was shocked to be fired from the Cheerios (seriously, pregnant people can’t do sports like activity). Glad that Terri was absent, but that means Will still doesn’t know about the pseudo-pregnancy. Happy Sue scared me, but her evil turn complete with the kitty-cat/punch you line was the best part of the evening. And the close-ups during “I Could Have Danced All Night” really freaked me out. A lot.

5. Grey’s Anatomy – This was the best episode of the season. Kudos to you for being the only thing I really enjoyed this week. It was fast paced, interesting, and I didn’t even mind the Mercy Westers being around. I diagnosed the woman at the very beginning, and we all know how important it is for me to feel intelligent. Continue to hate Izzie’s behavior (they could have easily had a more plausible reason for her time off). I really didn’t mind some of the characters being in the background of the episode – I think the show too often makes the mistake of trying to cram too many people and storylines into one episode, and this time it didn’t.

6. Project Runway – I don’t even want to fucking talk about it. Lifetime has killed the damn show, or at least that’s what I’m going to blame. There is talent in the group, but none of the remaining contestants have a fraction of the ability of the people in past seasons. I feel like it would have been a better show of talent if they had taken all the people who were eliminated first and second in previous seasons and made them the contestants. There’s no rhyme or reason to who goes home and who stays. Mediocre people are here for no apparent reason. I’m angry they got rid of Epperson, Ra’mon and Shirin so this crap could continue to parade around. Hell, I’d even take the crazy bird with an egg designer back at this point. I’m bored, but I’m outraged too and those things do not go well together.

Boring Glory

I wrote this yesterday and our internet crapped out at home, so I didn't post it. Here it is now, in its boring glory.

I think I wandered into an empty beer can hunt on my walk to work this morning. There were cans on the fire hydrant, next to a mailbox, even on the lowermost tree branch, hidden in that subtly obvious way that an adult hides easter eggs for a four year old. I really hope no candy was inside the cans. I am completely exhausted - I've been having allergy and sinus problems for the past few weeks and it's really become annoying. I even self-treated myself last week with antibiotics which didn't really seem to help matters. Now I'm having this on-off throat pain and seem to be coughing up some lovely things intermittently. I am a beautiful lovely creature.

I'm going to be traveling for work next week to the exotic land of Philadelphia. It's for the clinical trial I'm working on. I fly out Monday morning, have a meet & greet that night, have a series of meetings/lectures all Tuesday and Wednesday morning, and get back Wednesday evening. Just about everything is being paid for me, which makes me feel like a whore, but a whore that is saving money. Apparently a chauffeur is going to meet me in baggage claim with a sign with my last name on it. Would it be unprofessional to ask to keep the sign?

On my way home from work, I noticed two pairs of pants in the top of a public trash can. I couldn't see them in their entirety (nor was I going to touch them in order to see them), but it made me wonder why someone suddenly needs to throw away two pairs of pants in a public trash can. I'm assuming it's one person, because the idea of two people lining up to throw their pants in the garbage one after the other is a little too absurd for me.

Laura's TV Round-Up, Week Four:

1. House – I continue to be extremely bored with this season. I know we’re supposed to be on our toes about the Chase killing James Earl Jones thing, but it just comes off as clunky to me. Thirteen’s plot was useless and just made me wish we could see Taub instead (please tell me he’s coming back at some point). I think my main issue is after the first episode which was House-centric, we really haven’t seen too much of him and I think that’s a mistake. I’m starting to wonder if the writers aren’t sure how to go about his progress, so they’re just keeping his role to a minimum for now.

2. How I Met Your Mother – This was probably my favorite episode of the season so far, but I’m still not satisfied. I enjoy seeing Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney, but the show keeps straying too far from its purpose, which is to tell how Ted met the mother. So far this season, we’ve had him trolling around the bar and making one mention of the mother and that doesn’t really do it for me. Maybe I’m just being a grouch, but I would feel better if I knew that the writers had a definite plan for when and how the mother is going to come into play – Kind of how back when I watched Lost, it was comforting to know that the show has a definite end and there’s a plan. I’m not saying that I want the show to end any time soon, I just need something to keep me going and that something better not be “your mother was over here, but wait then…” and have them turn the camera. Like I said, I’m sick of that. I need a yellow umbrella or something here. I think part of my problem is that I still don’t buy Barney and Robin as a couple, but I don’t feel like getting into that right now. Oh, and “Cat Funeral” is my new favorite song.

3. Glee – I want to have Jane Lynch’s sarcastic babies. Her, plus the scene of the football players carrying Artie in his wheelchair up the stairs in order to storm out were the redeeming things in this episode. I just have issues with a few things:
(a) Quinn’s “Keep Me Hangin On” and the “sightread” of “Hate On Me” – I get that this show is essentially a musical, but for the most part they’ve done a pretty good job of making it seem more natural – The only times we’ve seen people sing are during glee club practices or performances, or in things like karaoke where people would normally be singing. Quinn breaks out into song on the stairwell/during cheerleading practice with a bunch of jocks and cheerios backing her up in vocals and dance? I get the purpose of the number, but it seemed to break the rule they’ve been following all along. As for “Hate On Me” it was just so clearly not their first time running the song, and I feel like they could have had those scenes and established that they’d already been working on it.
(b) All the songs and other moments where the show wants us to feel bad for Quinn – She’s a pregnant teenager who has to give up her baby and is going to be socially ruined by this fact, that’s sad. But I can’t feel for a character who has her boyfriend believe that he’s the father of her baby and is dragging him down with her. And if she’s planning on giving up the baby for adoption anyway, why even bother lying to Finn? Her rationale for not being with Puck is that he wouldn’t be a good father to the baby – If no one’s going to be the true father anyway, why not come clean? I know, the whole further social disgrace and wanting to keep Finn thing, but seriously, no sympathy. And the sonographer telling Quinn that it’s virtually impossible to have nothing wrong with her baby since she’s so young kind of rubbed me the wrong way, because that’s not necessarily true.
(c) Stupid Terri – And really, stupid Will and stupid Terri’s sister and stupid obstetrician at this point. I hate hate hate hate hate the fake pregnancy storyline. Will’s reaction to the ultrasound was really touching, but everything is so marred by this inane storyline. I want it over and I want it over now.
(d) I don’t have anything else to complain about, I just wanted to use this opportunity to mention my Jane Lynch love again. When she made the comment about not liking Will’s curly hair because she keeps imagining birds laying eggs in it, I laughed so hard that the cats looked at me really weird. Like they do a lot.

4. Modern Family - Still not caught up. Maybe some other time

5. Flashforward – Watched a tiny bit, but then Mack and I got distracted by Brenda Dickson and Literal Music videos. Flashforward, I think we need to stop seeing each other. It's not you, it's me. Well, it's a little bit you, what with your inability to trust the viewer and having to remind us every minute and a half what everyone's flashforward was. But other than that, it's me.

6. Grey’s Anatomy - Meh. I enjoyed the scenes with Callie/Arizona/Callie's father and I'm glad there's finally some closure on that. I thought hospital bed-bound Meredith was hilarious, and I appreciate whoever thought to braid the one strand of her hair, because you know she'd be bored enough to be braiding tiny pieces of her hair. Aside from that, it still remains to be disappointing. Everyone's behavior was atrocious towards each other, and I'm not just talking about the Mercy West people (speaking of which, the only one I like so far is the tackling guy). I really enjoyed Izzie being fired, probably more than I should, but it seems like she'll find a way to get back in the hospital (not sure if it'll happen as a doctor or as a patient, though). I really don't buy her leaving Alex. I can understand her writing a note saying "I have to get away for a little bit, I'll call," but flat out leaving made no sense. And I'm still ticked off that she's in such good shape. There's no way she'd be able to be that healthy...Also if she's still on chemo, she should probably be avoiding places with high germ traffic.

7. Private Practice - I didn't intend on watching this, but it picked up where the kidney transplant patient storyline picked up, plus there was Taye Diggs. So I watched it and it was okay. My main complaint has to do with the fact that Taye Diggs tried to kiss Bailey and she didn't kiss back. If Taye Diggs says he's going to kiss you, you kiss him. If Taye Diggs asks you to bury a body in your backyard, you do it.

8. Project Runway - Why did so many people design long dresses for Christina Aguilera? She doesn't strike me as a floor length dress person in the first place, plus they were supposed to be designing something for her to wear on stage. This group was disappointing as a whole for this challenge, and really they haven't been that great this season. When someone gives you Christina Aguilera, have some fun with it. I wish Chris March and Christian would have been around for this challenge, because they would have rocked that shit. I still despise Irina, and her bitchery is not in line with her talent. At least with Christian (a) his comments were actually funny and (b) he was actually good. Irina has a bit of talent, but I'm fairly underwhelmed.

Laura's TV Round-Up, Week Three:

1. How I Met Your Mother - This is the first time I've watched this showed "live" this season and maybe it made a difference. I also wasn't doing pilates while watching it, so perhaps that's responsible too, but this has been my favorite episode of the season so far. However, I still don't feel like they're doing their best. Maybe I watched too many episodes this summer, but I feel like something's missing. Is there not enough Marshall? Do Robin and Barney feel strained? Am I still getting used to the actresses not being hidden behind objects to conceal their pregnancies? I'll keep watching till I figure it out.

2. House - I missed it to watch HIMYM/go to Lowe's to buy a ladder so I could change my lightbulb (stupid high ceilings) and didn't really feel like watching it online, so I read a recap. Apparently James Earl Jones guest starred as an evil dictator. Even when he's being a bad guy, I get so distracted by how awesome his voice is that I can't completely hate him. We were just talking about how awesome it would be to have James Earl Jones come over to read you the phone book, or better yet, Dr. Seuss.

3. Glee - Watched it live, so it was nice to have them not pause in the middle of a song to buffer. I liked it overall, but I'm somewhat annoyed with the whole star-crossed Emma-Will-Terri crap. I think it's because I want to like Will, but even if his wife is a psychopath who makes up pregnancies, he doesn't know that, so he either needs to cut the crap or break up with the wife. But all was made well by the fact that next week guarantees more Sue. I adore Jane Lynch. I'm a big fan of the mockumentaries that she's in and her being on television is one hundred percent awesome. I saw a rerun of the West Wing (the one with Mrs. Landingham's funeral - Yes, I know I'm obsessed) and she was totally one of the reporters. I like when I find people who currently star on a tv show in bit parts on older tv shows (like when Ted Mosby was the alderman's gay aide that Kerry killed on ER). Oh, and one more thing - did the glee club get out of that deal where they could only sing the songs on the principal's pre-approved list? I don't remember that happening, but it seems like they couldn't be singing some of the songs they are if they hadn't.

4. Modern Family - Missed it on account of watching Glee and I haven't gone online to watch it yet.

5. Grey's Anatomy - I can't comment on the 'B' plot where Mr. Walton gets a special implant because I fast forwarded over it, but I generally liked the rest of the episode. Izzie convincing Hunt to do surgery on the terminal guy (and why is a trauma surgeon operating on a cancer patient in the first place?) and having the guy die when he could have had months to live without the surgery was utterly predictable. And also, they did the "this guy shouldn't have had surgery thing" back when George's dad died. I did like Meredith's storyline and that's probably the most inventive way I've seen a show write someone off for maternity leave. I really enjoy that she's gone from hating Lexie to being willing to give up part of her liver just to save her (or "their" depending on how you look at it) father. In real life, I wonder how often surgeons wind up operating on their own surgeons...Definitely not as much as these ones do - at least six of them have been on the table before. And FYI, you probably wouldn't be able to arrange a transplant so quickly (I'm pretty sure her viral titers wouldn't have been back yet), but I'm willing to let that one slide.

6. Private Practice - I saw two seconds of this, but I just wanted to inform Mike that this episode guest starred Kellie Martin, the former star of Christy (he's obsessed)

7. Project Runway - Mike and I actually chatted through facebook during PR this week and the results were pretty entertaining. However, at the end of it, facebook wouldn't let me copy/paste the conversation so Mike may have to comment below (shucks darn). I think it's going to be easier if I just go by designer (to follow along go here):

- Althea - her outfit would have been okay with me if it had no sleeves and no belt. Even then though, it felt too reminiscent of the Macy's blue challenge. I cannot find it in my heart to support her because (a) she needs to talk about how great she is all the time, (b) her evil death headband that appears in every interview. I'm afraid it's going to take over her entire head.

- Carol Hannah - it looked like gray dryer sheets to me, but honestly, it wasn't the worst thing that happened this week and somehow it still worked

- Christopher - oh honey no. I love Christopher, but this was lousy and he should have been in the bottom two. I want him to stay, but he needed a slap on the wrist for this. And if he keeps this up, he's going to be gone soon. And if he goes, Mike may actually cry.

- Epperson - This outfit was terrible stable girl pirate wench crap, but I still wish he would have stayed. Not because the garment was good, but because I feel like he has more to offer (see his western dress from the movie genre challenge) than people like Logan and Nicholas

- Gordana - I want to buy this.

- Irina - Why is everyone so obsessed with her? This dress looks like somebody vomited on lace and wrapped it around their body. She does have some good work, but this was not it. I know she had immunity, but that doesn't mean the judges have to say they like it.

- Logan - Ugly, boring, and shoddy work. Yawn.

- Nicholas - Please go home to Marcy, sir. -

Shirin - Adorable, and I think she did a really good job of handling a difficult client.

Oh, and Mike and I want a challenge with ninjas. Or whores. Or ninja whores. The end.

There Are No Angels in America, There's Only the Political

I noticed that today was national coming out day and it made me think of something I wrote many years ago. It was in 2004, shortly after the election and I was outraged that so many states had voted against gay marriage. That was five years ago, and it's depressing how little has changed. Anyway, this is my journal entry from November 3rd, 2004:

"The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word "free" to a note so high nobody can reach it" - Angels in America

Eleven states were asked if gay marriage should be permitted and all of them answered with a loud resounding no. I read a girl’s away message this morning that applauded the decision of these states, claiming that moral rights have been upheld. Perhaps an ethics course would do her some good. One major point of morals is that you are to behave in a way that at the same time you can will your behavior to become a universal law. So let me come take your parent’s marriage license and your grandparent’s. Let me tell you that you have no right to marry, that your kind of love is not accepted here. You have none of the benefits, must jump through hoops to get power of attorney and other such things, not to mention that your lifestyle must be compromised because people who have never met you decided you’re not good enough to be unified in the eyes of God. Ever read Maurice Ogden? Do you remember little things like the Holocaust, civil rights and women’s suffrage? America should not be about taking rights away. Our ancestors came here to avoid persecution, and centuries later we’re persecuting our own.

It does not come down to just believing in right or wrong so much as tolerance. Just because you do not understand another person’s lifestyle it doesn’t mean you should condemn it. Read The Laramie Project, read some Kushner. Hell, read Dr. Seuss for crapsake. Look into the lessons we teach our children when they are young...To Kill a Mockingbird, Charlotte’s Web, even Horton Hears a Who. We teach our children that they should be who they feel they are inside, but now we show them that not everything is protected under “being yourself”. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Only you if you fit the criteria.

As for the people who support civil unions, it is a step in the right direction, but I have a feeling it’s more about staying in the middle than handing out rights. If you support gay rights then stand up and give it all, do not cower in the corner with your bible and tell me about right and wrong. Want to uphold your moral standards? Then build a country whose divorce rate is under fifty percent. Don’t allow people to drunkenly get married one day and annul it the next. Here is what you do: You take two people, any two people who have built a relationship on trust, love, and respect and tell them they are doing right. Do not deny them their wishes just because they share the same gender.

I believe in the bible and in some of its words. But I also believe that God is a pretty understanding person and when he sees two people in love, he wants them to be together. Whenever I hear people bringing up Leviticus as evidence against humanity, it always makes me think of this scene from The West Wing:

"I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does."

"Yes it does. Leviticus."

"18:22."

"Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?"

I know that I'm quoting a television show, but it's making the exact point I want to and far more eloquently and accurately than I could, so we're going to go with it. Love thy neighbor, don't tell him what he is doing is wrong. And furthermore, keep it the hell out of legislature. America is not a society of merely Christians and Catholics, we are a mix. That mix includes Muslims and Jews and Hindus and yes, homosexuals. Isn't America supposed to be the land where you can take what you are and what you have and make it work? Isn't it a place where you should be accepted for what you are from the start?

America is a great idea, but the execution has not been going very well lately. I love the land, for the most part, the beauty of the cities and the country. I am grateful that I don't have to worry about being arrested on the street for crimes I did not commit or stoned to death for writing such a thing as I just did. I am happy that I have the ability to vote and have even the tiniest say in what goes on here. I love these things, but I hate the ignorance and cruelty this country is displaying. I learned to love and respect people because I was taught it as a child. What are we teaching our children now? What lessons will mine learn here? It is sad when a country you love disappoints you so.

Laura's TV Round-Up, Week Two:

I’ve decided to continue doing this, mainly because I want to see how much I can get Mike to comment. So here’s week two….

1. House – Definitely an improvement to the season premiere, but I’m still not sold on it. I could have done without the extensive virtual reality scenes, hallucinated and not. Typically I would enjoy 13 being fired, but (a) there’s no way that’s going to actually last, (b) Foreman’s such an ass of a character that it wasn’t that fun, and (c) I actually agreed with everything she was doing (for the first time in the character’s history). If they could keep her on and get over mentioning that she’s hot every single episode (yes, Olivia Wilde is very pretty. I get that. I just don’t need the sledgehammer to the head every week) I might be able to get on board, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

2. How I Met Your Mother – Still not completely overwhelmed because I know they can do better than this. I really didn’t appreciate Robin’s sudden personality change for the sake of the story line. Robin knows that Barney goes to strip clubs. She’s gone to them with him on at least one occasion herself. We’re not fooled, writers. If nothing else, the stripper doppelganger reminded me of when I saw my doppelganger on our cruise this summer, only she was a ten year old version of me who had two mommies (one of which was extraordinarily bad at the Finish the Lyrics game).

3. Modern Family - I continue to enjoy this show and Cameron (half of the gay couple with the baby) doing his "straight" dance is one of my new favorite things.

4. Flash Forward – I saw part of this, but then I wandered off to make cookies, so I don’t know everything that happened. This is why I’m not an official tv reviewer.

5. Fringe – Seriously, I can’t remember that this show is on.

6. Grey’s Anatomy - I might like where the show is going, but what keeps bothering me is that if you're going to fire half of the staff anyway, why do you kill off George? Especially if you're going to cram all of the mourning for the character into one episode and not continue it the next week. I'm giving it time, but it's still annoying me.

7. Private Practice – Normally I wouldn’t watch this show (I wanted to like this show, but Addison fits better into the dynamic on Grey’s, I think), but I was sick over the weekend and needed something to watch and caught it online. Dude, did anyone else know that someone cut a baby out of Judging Amy’s uterus and she lived? What the hell was that about? At least this show acknowledges it’s a crazy ass soap opera, unlike some other shows on this list (I’m looking at you #6).

8. Glee - Let me just say I really like Kristin Chenoweth. She's tiny and cute and very funny and has an amazingly mind blowing voice. However, this week's episode felt far too much like a showcase of her. I understand that you only have her for one episode and you want to make good use of that, but I would have scaled it back a little bit. Regardless of that, I still enjoy this show a lot.

9. Project Runway – I missed the last fifteen minutes and caught only the runway show and not the judge’s comments in a rerun this weekend. So Mike, take it away.