Progesterone and Thongs

I don’t care how perfect your ass is. I don’t want to see it sticking out of your thong for five minutes while you read a magazine in the gym locker room. Could you just not wait to read that article? When your pants came off, you just had to see what the eight Twilight-inspired hair and makeup tricks were? Put your gym shorts on. Actually, put some underwear on before you get on the elliptical, because it seems like that thong might be uncomfortable.

One might state that I’m annoyed because I do not have an ass that looks perfect in a thong. I’m not being little miss poor self esteem here. My ass is one of those asses that looks good in jeans, it just requires fabric to look awesome, that’s all. I’m just saying, even if I had a naked-butt thong-wearing perfect ass, I still wouldn’t sit near the entrance of the locker room reading Allure.

In other news, I hate progesterone. It makes me feel like a raging blob (you would think those two things would not go together, but they do) and my face has turned into a zit. Well, actually, a series of zits. My face feels like Braille. I’m conflicted what to do, because if I go to the neurologist, I’m pretty sure they’ll say I can’t have estrogen. And I do have to admit that I’ve had fewer headaches since going off of it. But I really really hate progesterone. Stupid ovaries and fallopian tubes and uterus. The face stuff I got from the dermatologist better smooth things out. I know I’m using very technical terms here.

Don’t care, I’m off the clock. Which actually isn’t going to stop me from working on my paper, so I’m going to shower and get to it. And after I shower, I’m putting on pants and not reading Allure in a thong.