The Three Days of Christmas

Last weekend I went to Christmas in July at Put-In-Bay. Here's what happened....

Friday:
Woke up in the morning, had a bowl of raisin bran, and was planning to go to the gym when all hell broke loose in my digestive tract. Needless to say the gym was not an option because of my trips to the bathroom approximately every ten to fifteen minutes, so I instead took to the couch and silently (and eventually not-so silently) cursed my GI system. You see, all week my IBS had been absolutely fine and now, on the day I'm supposed to go camping and drinking for an entire weekend, it rears its ugly head. So I did what any self respecting person who's been dealing with IBS for the last four years would do: I self-medicated.

After eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at noon to see if it would help matters at all (answer: only slightly), I swore off eating and drinking because I didn't want to add fuel to the intestinal flames. And then I went to the medicine cabinet and took an imodium. And another one. And another one. And another one. After four of them, everything was calmed down enough that I was able to leave the premises.

Kim and Maureen picked me up and following a quick stop at Target to buy them sleeping bags (they had brought blankets for an air mattress, but opted for the sleeping bags when they saw how compact my model was). In the ferry parking lot, we crafted a truly brilliant and truly white-trashy way to transport our belongings on the ship and onto the island:

Classy, no? Fortunately Kristen picked us up at the PIB dock (armed with a "Take Off Your Pants" sign, nonetheless), so we didn't have to lug the damn thing across the island to our campsite. My sister and her friends have been going to Christmas in July for five years now, but this is the largest the group has been. We split off into three tents: Tent one contained Kristen, Mack, Meredith (Kristen's former roommate) and Meredith's friends Jamie and Becky; Tent two contained Amanda (another Kristen/Maureen friend), Amy and Courtney; tent three contained Kim, Maureen and yours truly.

We set up the tents, got ready and in the meantime, I had two drinks - one of which, unfortunately, was mixed by myself and probably a tad too strong. For those keeping score, at this point I've eaten some pringles, a few animal crackers and a little bit of water and it had to have been after nine at this point. After taking a cab downtown, we hit the bar and wound up at Frosty's, where I finally ate something of substance: pizza and breadsticks. However, at this point I think it was too late for me.

To make matters worse, I decide it's in my best interest to have a margarita. To make matters even worse, Frosty makes their margaritas incredibly strong. At some point, we wind up at Beer Barrel, where I stand around for awhile before realizing I feel ridiculously warm and my head feels like absolute crap. I get two cups of water, but that's not enough to reverse the self induced dehydration made worse by alcohol. Moral of the story: Don't take four imodiums, not drink anything all day, then have three drinks. Kim and Mack were kind enough to escort me back to the campsite and deposit me in my tent with flashlight and water in hand. I promptly fall asleep and feel completely better by the time I wake up two hours later.

And while I was sleeping, Mack discovered that she had been wearing two different shoes all night

Saturday:
I wake up just around eight to a downpour. We left our tents and went under a canopy to eat breakfast, but the ongoing rain made it clear that we couldn't get much done, so we went back to bed. By the time 11 o'clock rolled around the skies had mostly cleared, our tent was damp, and we were ready to go. After a series of gross campground showers, we went downtown for lunch. At this point my stomach starts acting up again, but it manages to recover during the afternoon hours.

Following lunch, we split up: Meredith, Jamie and Becky decide to walk around downtown, Kristen, Amanda, Courtney and Amy opt for the swim-up bar, and Kim, Maureen, Mack and I rent a golf cart and proceed to drive around the island (with some of us, cough Mack, occasionally grabbing onto speed limit signs while the vehicle was in motion). We mostly drove, but did a little bit of shopping, stopped at my grandparent's cottage (they were not there, but a very dead bird was), and eventually went to the winery and met up with Meredith, Jamie and Becky.

The winery showed some pure classiness, even classier than our luggage wagon. Sights included women picking up empty wine bottles using only their thighs, constant booing anytime someone wore a college shirt other than OSU and a women in a shirt that resembled a mermaid's tail. Kim drove us back to the campsite in rounds, and once we were all there, Maureen and I took Meredith's car back into town so we could pick up Mack and Kim after they dropped off the cart. We made a stop at the cottage because I was paranoid that I hadn't locked it (I had) and took awhile trying to find a parking space in the lot, yet Kim and Mack are nowhere to be found. We check the cart lot to make sure they haven't already dropped it off, but it's nowhere to be found. We wait for awhile longer, worried that they're not going to make the return deadline, when suddenly we see this:

It turns out that Captain Morgan and his helper ho were struggling to carry his booty to the Boardwalk when Kim and Mack drove by. That's a sentence I thought I'd never write. There wasn't enough room for everyone in the cart, but they offered Captain Morgan and his booty a ride. After the above photo ops and jello shots, we deposited the cart (on time) and headed back to the campground for dinner.

Night #2 out and about at PIB was far more successful for me than night #1. I had a lot of fun, yet I can't recall specific stories. I'd insert more pictures, but Blogger's currently hating on me, so I guess I won't.

Sunday:
Wake up, pack up, clean up, say goodbye and get on the ferry (after missing the first sold out one and having to come over on the 11:45). Dropped off at my parent's house (that's where I left my car for the weekend instead of out on the street) and returned to the apartment for a much needed sandwich (thanks to Tim picking one up at Einstein's for me), shower and nap. That evening we went back to my parents to set up the tents so they could air our and wound up staying for dinner (thank you again) and returning home where I barely made it to eleven pm before passing out again and blessing the fact that I had Monday off.

Merry Christmas!